FRIENDSHIP'S POWER
Where would we be without our friends? I'm not talking about our acquaintances but real friends. 'No man is an island onto himself' is a very apt phrase and is definitely true if one is to have a normal, healthy, happy and meaningful life.
We are all made up of the people that we know and the friends that we keep - we would be nothing without them. Our friends often lower our stress levels just by being there - they have the ability to reduce stress - to extend and improve the quality of our lives. We are able to find comfort in talking to each other because of our friendship. Friends are those who laugh at our jokes and bring out our whimsical and playful side - they see the 'heart' of us [our true selves]. Friends are a source of self-esteem and affection, offering us both affirmation and companionship. Friends are usually honest, trustworthy, faithful and loyal. Friends often have similar morals, ethics, interests, ideas, likes & dislikes, are about the same age and have similar levels of intelligence. Friends think alike and there is often a closeness brought about by time.
We form our patterns for formulating friendships in our early years based on how we see our families interact with each other and with outsiders. As children we are often given guidance on how to develop and maintain friends. Our parents arrange for us to play with others until we are old enough to do it for ourselves. If we don't like what we learned as a child then we should change our patterns. We do not choose our families but we do choose our friends. Be compassionate and understanding even when friends disappoint us - they may be doing what they saw their own family do. If a friend becomes competitive with us it may be because she was always compared to her other siblings. Though she may need to work on herself - the only person we can change is ourselves and how we react to what they say and do.
Whether or not we were born into a nurturing family or an abusive one is irrelevant, our friends offer what we need. Friends can offset the low self-esteem, neglect, and loneliness caused by abusive or dysfunctional families. Friends share activities, emotional support and confidences and are usually not rivals. We should be able to keep a friend during a disagreement and a real friend is usually still there even after a disagreement. We should be able to speak our true mind [with love and consideration] - to suggest an occasional constructive criticism without fear of reprisal, retaliation or loss of friendship.
We often find out who our real friends are when we need them the most. A good friend won't desert us no matter how busy she is when we are feeling down or blue. She will treat us with the same compassion and respect that she expects if she were the one in need. She will not become jealous or angry when we succeed. True friends help reduce the stress of life's larger challenges like the sharing of grief over the passing of a loved one.
Our spouse or lover is often a friend first and then becomes our spouse or lover. Friends provide us with peer interaction, frequent contact with others and an alternative for intimate relationships with others [besides our families and lovers]. Friendship makes us feel wanted and useful instead of alone and isolated - this affects our mental health in a positive way by offering us emotional and intellectual stimulation.
Our friendships change as we grow from one stage in life to another - changes in interests, relocation [community or neighbourhood], career [switching jobs], the death of old friends or a spouse, etc., cause us to shift to new friendships to meet our current needs. As we play a variety of roles throughout our lives [parent, child, teacher, student, spouse and worker] the role of friendship changes too. As our needs change so do our friendships. Friendships play a continual role in our lives though at different stages we have a greater or lesser need for them - our emotional stability depends upon other primary attachments in our life. With friends the revolving door makes it seem like we are getting rid of the old and making way for the new but its actually 'Make new friends, But keep the old, One is silver, The other is gold'. Whatever the reason for making new friends they serve to make us feel connected. They provide us with good times and sympathy. They share our joys and sorrows. Friends enrich our lives, reduce our stress levels, help us to keep a healthy outlook, and help us to live longer [with less illness].
We can keep our friends our whole life - but if we do not seek the company and friendship of others, our later years can be very lonely. As friends move or pass away we should be building a new ring of friends. Families grow and move away and when they become enmeshed in their own lives they do not have the same time for us that they did when they were younger - we need this daily intimacy in our lives. We need friends of both sexes who will listen to us and provide us with good company.
Many people take friendship for granted. Friendships require time and effort if we are to make them work. People are unaware of how powerful and positive a friendship can be or they would take them more seriously. Everything is more fun when shared with friends - the right friends help us to feel worthwhile.
Friendship is a learned skill - use a sympathetic or empathic ear to bring our friends closer, to encourage mutual growth and understanding. Know our limitations - what to and not to reveal, how far to go. Learn how to be for others the kind of friend we want others to be for ourselves. When a friend is feeling down or blue, the greatest compliment one friend can give another is to say, "just hearing your voice makes me feel better."
Copyright © 1994, Victoria Nelson
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