SELF LOVE
Many people claim to love themselves yet many are unaware of what it truly takes to love one's own self. If you can accept yourself as you are with all your faults and flaws, if you don't berate yourself for being overweight, too skinny, your age, your hair, your teeth, etc. then you can actually say that you love yourself.
If you don't think you have to be perfect and you are not constantly forcing yourself to match magazine or celebrity figures or trying to "keep up with the Jones's" in body image. If you can accept yourself in all your imperfections then you probably love yourself. I am not saying you wouldn't prefer to be a few pounds lighter or want to try a new hair colour just for a change. I am saying that a preference and a want [or a need] are two different things.
To honestly love one's own self you will have no emotions involved when you think of your 'imperfections'. You will accept yourself as you are, in all your 'imperfectness' and not give an emotional response to what you find 'imperfect'. [I'll use weight to explain, as it is the most common 'imperfect complaint' today.]
In a preference you might like to have something [there is no feeling attached to this, your thoughts and feelings are neutral, you can gain or lose but it doesn't really matter]. In a want or a need, you most definitely want the change [there are emotions attached to this, your feelings and thoughts are involved - anger, sorrow, depression, etc.]. 'Preferences' have no feelings and 'wants & needs' have feelings. When your thoughts about your imperfections involve feelings [an emotional response] of any form you are usually involved in a want or a need. Often a conscious change in word use, both vocally and in thought, can change the way you think about your desires. Use the words, "I prefer", "I like" or "I wish" instead of "I want" or "I need". There is no reason a change has to be difficult [that's your belief system].
Changing how you react or act to given situations changes the results. The next time you talk about your weight you could say, "I would really like to lose ten pounds" or " I would prefer to be ten pounds lighter in weight" or "I hope I lose some weight, but if I don't, oh well. I'm fine the way I am".
When we choose to use the word 'prefer' over 'want' we are not demanding things any more, we are asking and saying it is okay if we don't get what we would like to have - we are neutral to the result. We are not demanding, like a spoiled child and saying we have to have something.
Funny thing about word choices, when something is not demanded and left open to the universe, the person will often get what they wanted [within reason] just from changing their reaction to it with a change in thought. When we leave ourselves open to love without demands and conditions we are much happier with what we have and with what we are given. When we give and receive love in this open manner we are able to more fully love ourselves.
Copyright © 1994, Victoria Nelson
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