COPING WITH ANGER
In dealing with your own anger, you can:
· Turn it inwards [self destruction] - beat on yourself; chew your fingernails; develop ulcers or hypertension; have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown; or even commit suicide. At the very least, you can experience feelings of guilt, depression, incompetence or helplessness.
· Take it out on someone else [displacement] - it does nothing about the situation and may hurt innocent parties [or things] but at least you'll feel in control again - for a while.
· Demonstrate it [even violently] - you might get your point across, even if it does leave you feeling more dumb than victorious.
OR
Express it. Tell us / yourself / a doctor / a friend how you feel and what you want to change. How?
· Own your own anger. Acknowledge that you are angry and claim it as your own behaviour and choice!
· Calibrate the response. Just how angry are you? This is useful in assessing your capacity to deal with the threat.
· Diagnose the threat. What do you stand to lose? What can you do to protect it? What do you want?
· Unveil the anger. What is the REAL issue behind your anger? What is it that has TRIGGERED an angry response in you? Why are you really angry? WHO are you really angry at? Yourself? Why? What are you afraid of?
· Share your feelings. Making your anger public not only diffuses your anger and clarifies your perceptions, it allows for feedback and gives the other party the freedom to change without becoming defensive.
· FORGIVE. Let go of the anger, cancel the negative responses against the other person or yourself; this not only opens the way for future growth and dealings, it increases your power. Forgiveness is not condoning a wrong and there is not weakness in forgiving. If it can't be forgiven - then it isn't finished yet.
IT'S YOUR CHOICE!
Copyright © 1994, Victoria Nelson
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